Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
