I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize