I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Randomize
