A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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