she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
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