You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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