Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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