Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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