I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
