So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
