I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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