one word: firstdatebathroomanal
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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