So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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