this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
