So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
