And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Randomize
