Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
