Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
