it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
