okay pat passed out under dana's car
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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