Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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