If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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