The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize