he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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