question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize