Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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