yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
