Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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