somebody snuck up and got me drunk
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
