Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
