Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
