Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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