I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
