i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
