So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Randomize
