I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
