I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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