I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
