happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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