Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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