I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
