it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
