i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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