I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize