We won't sleep together?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
