week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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