On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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