Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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