Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
