My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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