Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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