i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
