You made me cry and you don't even care
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
how does that bad decision feel?
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