Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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