yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
