Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
