You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
