im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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