I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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