everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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