thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
