Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
