9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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