Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
