Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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