She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
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