Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
